Matt 5:8

Knowledge Puffs up but Love builds up.  1 Corinthians 8:1

This goes for so many areas.  We’re do designed to want to always be "right".  My dang pride.  I love being right.  but more than that, I love it when the other person tells me I’m right.  haha. horrible huh?  This challenged me though.  Even when I teach, when I’m listening to others share.  I’m not here to prove anything about myself.  I’m here to only boast of Christ.  And He is LOVE.  He will build up.

These days my prayer has been that I become a woman of integrity.  That requires constant check of motives and intentions.  Sometimes, my thoughts get too loud and I can’t even hear my own heart.  and its hard to really see where my motives and my intentions are.  Sometimes, I learn of my motives/intentions after the act has already been done.  There…  I think, "dang it!" or "Thank you LORD!" But it’s God’s grace that I can learn from those moments.  YET, it’s difficult when its a completely new area of your life God is dealing with.  But it’s time to stop rushing in Esther. It’s time to wait. and just wait… and let God show you what your heart looks like.  It may hurt, it may be a relief. (doubt it) but in that moment, allow his grace to be active in your spirit.

Lord, quiet our thoughts and even our own hearts that we can hear the beating of your heart.  Lead us to a place where our hearts will beat with yours and the

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Summer is coming to an end.

What the heck did I do this summer?

July- taught summer school.

August- went to 2 weeks of workshop. and played with friends.

Even though the workshop was AWESOME and teaching summer school gave me some extra cash to spend this summer (by the way, where the heck did all that money go? why didnt i save? AISH!), it feels like such an unproductive summer.  My spirit isn’t satisfied.  The optimistic side of me says, "Esther, even though you feel unproductive, you did get some things done.  You built up a good curriculum and you got to spend it with people you love".  Yes that is true.  but the other side (dont know what to call it) says, "Man, some people save up their days off from work all year, just to be able to go on a mission trip or something.  Here, you have 2 months every summer.  it comes with your job! How are you using it?". 

God didn’t create us to be great students.

God didn’t create us to be great church goers.

God didn’t create me to be a good teacher.

God didn’t create me to be a good sister or daughter.

God didn’t create me to be married.

God didn’t create me to be a good friend.

God created me to be a worshipper of Him.

The question is…

God, how can I truly worship you?

Can I worship you by being a good teacher? Then be a good teacher Esther.

Can I worship you by being a faithful student?  Then do your best learning what you can.

Can I worship you as a good sister or daughter? Then help me to be a supportive sister and a daughter.

We have so many wants in our lives.  We present those wants to God as if they are DIRE necessities of life.  But the bottom line is…  Lord, teach me and train me to be a worshipper of You. 

not that we can’t have wants. But to align those wants with the will of God… challenge. surrender. pure joy.

Is it the younger sibling syndrome?  I could definately blame it on that.  But I reazlied that I definately have my moments of craving attention.  Don’t you think it’s time that I grew out of this?  A 25 year old!  I guess not.  It’s not that we crave attention, but some of us just want to be "noticed". haha (ok. nevermind. that means the same thing.)

So I’ve been in what we call the "transition" stage of my life for about 2-3 years now (post college).   Within that time I moved twice, attended 2 different schools studying 2 different majors (education & ICS), worked at 2 different public schools, Gained and loss 7-10 pounds back and forth, etc…  This transition stage is pretty exhausting.  I think I’m getting kind of weary from TOO much change.  The funny thing is, when things start to slow down, I complain that I’m bored. People say life is about balance, but for reals, balance is so hard to practice.  All i can say is, through ALL the changes, only Christ has been my constant.  His words, His peace, His presence, His love, His promises… did not change from the first day I met Him.

Lord, it always comes down to who you are. 

May I close this post with this song of praise to our unchanging God…

Verse 1- Many men will drink the rain, and turn to thank the clouds.  Many men will hear you speak, they will turn around.  But I will not forget, you are my God and King.  With a thankful heart I bring my offering.  And my sacrifices, not what you can give, but what I alone can give to you.

(Chorus) A grateful heart I give; A Thankful prayer I pray

             A wild dance I dance before you.

             A loud song I sing; A huge bell I ring.

             A life of praise I live before you.

Verse 2 - Many men will pour their gold and serve a thing that shines.  Many men will read your words, they will never change their minds.  But I will not forget you.  You are my God and King.  With a thankful heart, I give my offering.  And my sacrifices, not what you can give, but what I alone can give to you.

You know when you have so much thoughts… so much emotions going through you, there’s just no words that will amount to what you are holding inside… That’s what I think it means to be in “AWE”

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You are beautiful beyond description.  To marvelous for words.  To wonder ful for comprehension, like nothing ever seen or heard.

Who can grasp, your infinite wisdom.  Who can phathom the depths of your Love.  You are beautiful beyond description.  MAJESTY, enthroned above.

And I Stand, I Stand in AWE of you.

Lord, I stand, I stand in AWE of you. 

Holy God to whom all praise is due.  I stand in AWE of you.

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God you are so worthy of all praise.
Right now there is such a limited worship given to you.
The only worshippers are the ones who know you. And even among the ones who know you, we are not all worshipping you. But God, you are worthy of so much more than that. THAT IS WHY WE NEED TO GO AND MAKE YOU KNOWN. So that ALL may worship you, because you are worthy of ALL PRAISE. LITERALLY, ALL the worship that can exist in the realm of eternity.

THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS… Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Missions exists because not EVERYONE is worshipping you. If everyone in this world was worshipping you, then we wouldn’t have to send missionaries and you would be receiving worship from every soul that exists.

Lord, we need to share to the world who you are because you are worthy of more than the worship you are receiving right now.

Lord, send us where we need to go, so that you can receive more worship… because you are worthy!!!