Matt 5:8

Yesterday, we went to the concert at the OC fair.  The worship was led by Chris Tomlin, Mercy Me, and Third Day.  It was a great time together with Isak, Mary, BP, Shin, Grace and other KSers.

Surrounded by an ampitheatre with people, singing songs about and to our God, was definately a sight to remember.  Like most worshippers who worship at such a setting, I was reminded of how worship would be in heaven.  And usually I get awed by the fact that we are going to all come together one day and worship our God at his throne for ETERNITY.  That makes me think…

1.  Wow, eternity?  I wonder what that’s going to be like.  Keeping in mind that it will be in spirit and we will be out of our flesh. 

2.  Our worship here on earth is so small compared to eternity.  Such a speck of time that we are here. 

It was a lot deeper in my head. but anyways. during our time of singing (i dont remember what song), I just asked, "God, how close can I get to you?  I mean, it’s so hard to stay close to you because I still havent truly and fully understood what it means to be fully engulfed in your presence and to live for your glory".  God simply answered, "You can get as close as you want". 

Wow, really. We can get as intimate with God as we want to.  but the question is, Do I really want to?  You know why? because it means I have to give up things that I may not want to give up.  because it means that I have to change because I am walking in the flesh majority of the time.  because it means that I die to myself.

so God, even if i really want to die to myself.  it’s so hard! it’s hard b/c I lack faith, i lack understanding, and I am relient on what I see.  It’s so dang frustrating sometimes.  Lord, really that’s my prayer.  that I fully count the cost and still give up myself to live for your glory.  Lord, please reveal that understanding to me so that my life will not belong to me but to you.  I dont want to just say the christian cliches of "living for you".  Lord, take away the complacency and take away the laziness and take away the selfishness. 

Jesus I want to be as close as I can get to you.  right now, what holds me back is myself, my flesh.  Help me to die to myself.  Help to count the cost.  Give me the love for you that will lead me to abandon what ever i may count as lost so that I may gain you in my life.

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